smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
