As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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