she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I think I sprained my soul last night
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
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