I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
