im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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