maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
