I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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