can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
