Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize