I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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