Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Well I just put wine in my tea
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
