Even water is tasting like jack daniels
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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