Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize