My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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