If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Randomize
