Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I did not marry a roomba.
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