apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
