I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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