Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Rumble strips road head = magical
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
