i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize