I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
