at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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