would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
you traded sex for a burrito?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
