Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
