my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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