Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
