Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize