Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Randomize
