why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
