Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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