It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
