Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Randomize
