We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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