I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
