DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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