i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
