I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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