As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
