it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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