She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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