well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
