You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Randomize
