too bad you live with your parents still
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
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