Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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