I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
