Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
