I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
