What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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