She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
