What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Randomize
