i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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