we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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