Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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