its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
