he was CRYING into my vagina
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
