I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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