Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize