??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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