Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
