matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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