she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
