My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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