Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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