Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Sober January is a disaster.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
