I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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