I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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