sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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