sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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