the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
