ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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