As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
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