She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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