i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
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