I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Randomize
