Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
