dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
