I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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