You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
