Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
