is your mom at the bar?
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
