Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
