It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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