we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I am spending my child support on dildos
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
