Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
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