You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
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