Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
