how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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