Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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