So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Randomize
