you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
