I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
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