peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
