the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
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