Who wears a wallet chain?!
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
