Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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