This house was built for laser tag.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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