The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize