glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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