Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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