Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
