I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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